Auld Lang Syne

A few days ago my little brother and I were having a conversation. It was in the aftermath of a disagreement between another sibling, and he was feeling low. As we sat in the comfort of mom and dad's bed, he informed me that this had been a tough year. Without really thinking about it, I can easily agree with him. Rest assured, my little brother and I were able to look at this year in a brighter light as we reminisced over the good times, but this year has been a tough one.

And so much has happened. I think back to January and can hardly believe it. I can hardly believe so much stuff has fit into only twelve months! There are things I would have done differently had I known what their outcome would be. There are moments irreplaceable and times I would relive over and over if given the chance. A lot has happened this year, a lot of growth and and a lot of change. I have learned so much. Thank you for being a part of it. :)

Happy New Year! May 2011 be a blessing.

Something to Chew On

The things in life that mean the most to us are not usually the things we're best at,  but the things we work the hardest to improve.

Tinsel for a Thought

Amid all the wrapping paper and ribbons, past all the gleaming new electronics and brightly colored toys, beyond the piles of brand new clothes... Is what? What gifts have you received that weren't under the tree?

{Of Masquerades and Child's Play}

A game.

A child, making laughter sing through the night. 

Hands placed over features so precariously chaste.

A Mask.

A face, hidden from the world.

No one ever sees the true intentions.

Imagination leading conversation.

Make-believe, someone you don't know.

A lie, too innocent to count as transgression.

Scribbled writing in an old notebook about who you're not.

Voices, louder than your own, taking place in your stead.

An audience of one. 

Expectations high. Higher is fear. (A prayer for inspiration.)

Curtains rise, as the communication is passed. 

Desired. Craved. Like candy in shining silver wrappers.

A  greeting. That voice that aims to please. Making talk small, and interest  smaller.

Compliments abundantly thrown.

Personalities fall together-- Glares in the mirror. (Because feelings are fallen as well.)

Making high praise a low act.

Time fails the performer, neither fast nor slow.

Steadily counting on the counted.

Breaking face of minute and mind.

Entangled, they drift down

ever

  s
        p
         i

           r    
       a  
       l
        l

     i

   n

      g

         .

            .
         .

Sudden warnings, bringing façades crashing down.

Cracks in the walls, open to  b r e a t h e . . . 

The infant's hands, flashing open.

(Laughing, ready to snap shut.)

Hinting at destination.

Hysteria running over the stage floors.

Costumes pulled back, the hems dampened.

Pleading with the crowd. (So small in body, soul applauding louder for deaf comrades.)

One more instant. A requisite, diminutive exhibit.

Enticing with cavalcades of the illusory.

An encore of the master's art.

But the superiority's exodus is inevitably timed.

That broken face laughs as it ticks away to the irrevocable clinch.

The final act, coarse and rushed, halting to an abrupt

 END.

The line goes dead. 

The performance is over.

The child peeks out.

Placidly respires.

It's safe to come out. 

Though hide-and-seek wasn't the game.

Or was it?

Shuddering breaths, as barricades weaken.

Defenses falling down like leaves, to melodies of changing seasons.

(Time hides cynical laughter. Aptly noting that leaves don't fall-- they're pushed.)

Fluttering

        fraying at the edges
                            the mask slips away.

Trembling and wide-eyed
a reflection is on trial
in the mind of artists.

The face is not recognized.

Snoooow

Oh! Oh oh oh!

Oh.... Oh?

Oh.

Oooooh.

Ohoho! Ohh. OhhOHho.

Ooh!

Hello. :)

There are a lot of things about college that have surprised me. It's possible to eat something other than Ramen (be proud of me, I haven't touched it yet!), there are more cute priesthood holders than I can comprehend, and I actually can understand what my German teacher is saying.

Perhaps the thing that has surprised me most is how the Lord has placed me in the presence of angels. Let me share a story with you.

Last night, I went to dinner with a good friend of mine. The infamous Cafe Rio was a new experience to me so he showed me the ropes and helped me order. We had a fun time talking about everything from "what ancient civilization would you have liked to live in?" (My answer was the Mayans. I mean, chocolate? Yes.) to the gospel and the Second Coming.

Does Cafe Rio make someone an angel? Only if the judgement is about how many tacos you've had in your life. So what happened?

A few days prior I had been talking to this dear friend of mine after we got out of our tap class. He'd asked if I had registered for classes. I answered honestly that I hadn't and that I wouldn't be able to for a little while due to some current financial juggling. I could almost see his mind wrapping up this information and tucking it safely in his pocket. Fast forward to after we had walked home from the restaurant. He drops me off and says he has some errands to run. I go visit my relief society president, Alexis, because I haven't talked to her in awhile. About an hour later, while I'm chatting up a storm, I get a call from my roommate Sophie. She says I have to come back to the apartment, now. I offer my apologies and promise to return to Alexis and then run over to the other side of the building and into my apartment.

There, in my kitchen, is my angel friend. The floor around him is completely covered by full grocery bags and he is asking me if I have a particular way to organize the freezer or if he can just stick the frozen vegetables anywhere. I can't even think of what to say. He moves on, carefully pulling out food and handing it to me to put away. Bread, cheese and deli meat, yoghurt, peanut butter and jelly, oatmeal, canned soup, spaghetti noodles and sauce, onions, tomatoes, spinach, frozen beans and peas, baby carrots, apples, bananas, plums, pears... Then he pulls out yeast and flour, with the instructions to make bread and serve someone else. He stands, hugs me, and he leaves. All I can do is stare at my roommate in wonder and amazement as my eyes start to tear.

I truly have been blessed to know the Lord's angels. They touch my life in so many ways and I am grateful for their constant presence. I am grateful for all the angels in my life who live by the words of this dear friend.

"Just remember where everything good comes from. When you really understand that, then offer Him all that you have to give, and see what He wants you to do with it. Then be willing to give what He asks."

Thinking...

I would like to start out saying something along the lines of "I often think" or "I have always said," but the truth is, I rarely think or say profound things. I am not a fount of knowledge, nor am I filled with practicality, common sense or rationality. I admire these qualities in others, and often try to imitate them, but I find that I still have a long way to go before I can hold any claim to such traits.

I find that every once in a while I need some empty space to think. I think I will leave some space here for you to fill with your thoughts as well.

I wonder what your thoughts were. Indeed, wonder truly is the right word. Did you see pictures? Did you hear words or even just feel the thoughts? I am in wonder as I fill my own thoughts with curiosity. I would liken thoughts unto hot air balloons. I saw one of those early this morning as I rode the bus to campus. You may make your own connections as to why they are so much alike, for my own reasons would not bring your mind the same understanding as discovering your own connections would.

Lastly, I have something to tell you. I am going to share with you a story. Not now, no. I ask for your patience, as this story will unfold slowly.

I think I've said enough for now. My thoughts have already started to drift away from me. :)

So He Dances

For the next five minutes, I will be sitting here in the Wilk waiting for my bus, eating chocolate covered cinna-bears and watching a beautiful boy practice his dancing in the large, empty ballroom. I ponder as I watch this boy, twirling around, arms extended to hold an imaginary partner. He is very careful, guiding her here and there, keeping time with music that only he can hear.


As I chew on a bear's ear, I wonder what will become of him. Perhaps he will become a professional dancer, sweeping across stages with beautiful young women, their dresses swishing and flowers flying everywhere. Perhaps he'll wear dapper suits as he waltzes and tangos. Perhaps he will win awards, hear camera flashes and applause, go to grand parties and gala events, dazzling all with his technique and finesse.


Or perhaps... Perhaps he will be a different kind of professional. One that is the master of bear hugs and the king of tickle attacks. Perhaps he will sweep a young woman off her feet, spin her around until her hair falls out of its loose ponytail, her apron swirling and the flour flying everywhere. Perhaps he will wear dapper suits, while dozing in his favorite chair on a Sunday afternoon. Perhaps he will go to work in the day, and come home to the sound of little feet pattering across the floor to meet him, kisses and cuddles for a job well done. He goes to recitals and little league. He is their hero, supporting and protecting.


The ballroom is empty now. He has packed his duffle and walked on, humming his tune.


I've missed the bus. I take another cinna-bear and smile. :)

Breakeven

Life has been interesting. Lets cover yesterday and today, yes?


Yesterday, I woke up a little late because I fell asleep (on top of my homework) and so I had to rush to shower and dress, run to the bus stop, and speed read my American Heritage assignment on the way to campus. (But it's ok, the chapter was about the Pilgrims and Massachusetts!)


As it turns out, we didn't talk about anything in class that we read. Go figure.


Class, class, German homework, class. Met up with my friend Josie to finish figuring out our duo skit for acting tomorrow, then went to the WILK (the student center, for those who don't speak BYU.) I grabbed a super-sized Jamba (Orchard Oasis, off the secret menu!) and headed over to see my good friend Wyatt Dean. After making the trade of the Jamba for some of Wyatt's homemade banana bread, we set off on our next adventure!


Wyatt had been in need of a haircut, so we had made plans to walk over to the hairdresser. Wyatt got us lost along the way, but we managed to get there after some exploring of the Provo suburbs. The wait at the hairdresser's was about a half hour, so I decided to try an experiment and not talk at all for the whole wait, just to see what Wyatt would do. I learned a lot, but the poor guy had no idea what was going on. Withholding my reasons for doing it for the entire walk back to his apartment might have been a bit much as well... By the end of it we were both equally confused and decided it was so much easier to just talk about picnics and schemes for the future!


There was also the pretend fight we got into that went a little too far...


Lets just say Wyatt Dean and I get into a little too much trouble for our own good. :)
---
Today was the first of my crazy!busy Thursdays that I'll be having for the rest of the semester. I woke up and hurried off to tap class (which is always wonderfully fun!) Then it was back to the apartment to change and grab my backpack, and of course I got back to the bus stop right as the bus pulled away. But not to worry, Makenna the RA to the rescue! I got a lift from Makenna to the HFAC (Harris Fine Arts Center) just in time for my first  voice lesson. The lesson went great and my professor said he was quite impressed with my vocal skills. :) But my lesson got out at 1, the time that my German class starts... Across campus. One mad dash later, I made it to German without missing too much.


After German I headed back over to the HFAC for my acting lab and acting class. The lab is so much fun, as basically we get to watch amazing actors do excerpts of plays and take notes! Today's was a piece from "The Plan," by Eric Samuelson. It was basically a look at the LDS perspective of the pre-mortal existence. It was interesting because it really made you think about how people like Adam, Eve, Lucifer, etc. might have thought about the Plan of Salvation.


Anywho, after the lab and then my class, I went back to my apartment and stuck some cookies in the oven. I've been called as the Bishop's Secretary in my student ward, so I had a training meeting tonight with my fellow secretary friend Matt Morgan. (Hence the need to bake cookies. I'm the only gal in this secretarial business, so I gotta play to my strengths!) Matt is a very tall RM (he served in Moscow, Russia) who has glasses, nice hair, a cute smile and LOVES peanut butter, chunky particularly. Matt and I will be working together to set up interviews, keep tabs on who gets called to what, and who is on the Sunday program. It's a lot of work, but it's fun to have a friend doing it with me.


I also have a very special job as the Bishop's Secretary, and that is to help all the Elders' in the ward get their mission papers completely ready. Matt phrased it as being the "Momma of the stripling warriors." I basically am going to be sending each and every one of these young men on their mission. The bishop is going to have me come into Priesthood and introduce myself and then have every one of them boys put my number in their phones... ;)


So that's my life right now! It's kind of crazy, but I'm enjoying every minute of it!


Song of the Day: Breakeven by The Script

Life Less Ordinary

Why, hello there! I am me, and this is my shiny new blog! It is quite shiny, yes? Yes.

As I am a wee little freshman at BYU, and my brain tends to run rampant with arbitrary thoughts that really won't help me pass American Heritage, I decided to create an environment where such thought could be released to roam freely (like the bears in Yellowstone!)

The first few posts will most likely work backwards to give you lovely overviews of the past week's notable events, just to catch you up.
---

Today is nothing exciting, just homework and housekeeping. Never have I loved Labor Day more! I woke up this morning practically beaming at the idea of having one more free day. We have FHE tonight, which I'm very much looking forward to, as our FHE parents just got called yesterday! My friend Dan, our new dad, came by last night asking if anybody knew where his new wife was. It was quite adorable. I really do love my ward my new ward. :)

Future Post Preview: After midnight sojourns and stories, various adventures with Wyatt Dean, and a lovely dinner at Alyssa Kaylee's!

Song of the Day: Life Less Ordinary by Carbon Leaf.